It is a most miserable thing to feel ashamed of home. Home had never been a pleasant place to me, because of my sister's temper. But Joe had sanctified it, and I had believed in it. Within a single year everything had changed. Now all was coarse and common, and I would not have had Miss Havisham and Estella see it on any account. How much this was my fault, how much Miss Havisham's and how much my sister's I don't know.
The first day of my apprenticeship I was quite depressed, but I am glad to know that I never let Joe know my discontent. It was not because I was faitful, but because Joe was faitful, that I never ran away to become a soldier or sailor. What I wanted, who can say ? What I dreaded was that I would lift up my eyes and see Estella looking in at me, with a black face and hands, and would despise me.
on any account : under any circumstances
dread : avoir peur
despise : mépriser
